Spending 5 years of ur teenage in a boarding school, especially the one i was in cud be a lil tricky. You pass out with the all possible confidence in you. Attitude roaring high, big expectations. You have done everythng, been everywhere. YOu believe thaz the life is all about the one 64 acre campus u lived in!! You were the boss in there 'n no one can do nethyng to you. Being the senior most in the school meant u r the boss. You can do almost nethyng. You have 250 juniors around ready on there toe to obey ur next command. NOw ths how the 12th class ppl used to live in our school, the life king size. You possibly start thnking tht nothyng can go wrong with u.Nuthyng can go against ur wish. It was true to some extent but only till you were in the school. Then you pass out withh all the attitude, with a T-shirt with "Georgian" engraved into it. You proudly show thm off 'n wondering how dumb people cud be, they dnt knw wht georgian means??
WTF??
You have all the qualties to excel, you are physically fit, can run 5-6 Kms at a stretch, you r mentally sound, yeah Military schools makes sure u remain mentaly sound at least the environment makes u.
But as always there has to be an exception everyone.
there was one in there as well.
It was me.
Now when you come out of such a coop suddenly everythng starts seeming so totally opposit of wht you have always thought. You are not the best. There is not everythng tht you have done. You realised you have missed the most important thing in your teenage, that no one, atleast the guys can not afford to loose, Girls!!
Now again as i spoke about the exception everyone wanted to be an Army officer I wanted to start a restaurant of my own in sum Hill station. So i Joined Hotel Management while my classmates joined the prestigious National Defence Academy. Dad was shocked, being an air-force personal its natural they tend to care more of seeing you in an Army officers uniform than wondering wht if he gets hurt in the war.
well so i joined the best hotel school in country just to go  ahead in my dreams totally against his.
Dreaming or planning ahead is more like looking into the future buts as Nicholas Cage said in the ovie NEXT, "Everytym you look into the future it changes because you have looked into it"
I didn't realised it then, I looked into it millions of times, in turn changing it.
Now one more thing, when you get inti a bug city like mumbai, you tend to start dreaming bigger, much bigger than wht you ever thought you could ever do.Much wilder thn what you have eva seen in any of the movies.
First day in the college was amazing, college situated in heart of the city, a sea beach at 5 mins walk, wht the hell more you could ask for?
Well, just to remind you there was a lot more to ask for.Toughest part was to get mixed with the other classmates, especially with the ladies because since last 7 years only female figure I have talked to were your mom and your sister.


Slowly I started gelling up with people, but with my hairs soaked in coconut oil 'n with a big carbon frame spectacles girls preffered to stay away, but for guys i made an option, if you donn't have a ciggarate come to locker room you'll find me ready with one lit up and a few in my pocket just to make people talk to me. It was not that good technique to make friends but a better way to start the conversation with.
In kitchen You needed to have a partner, 'n to worst of my luck I was coupled with a girl, Rashmi, she was good, kind hearted 'n soft spoken, but still a girl.
With all classmates partying every weekend roaming around and having girlfriends living a glamourous life I was in 9th cloud, whatever I have seen in the movies was actually happening in front of my eyes, people getting drunk, girls dancing around, couples making out in front of everyone, WOW, It was one hell ova place.

!!!!!

sumtyms whn u burn urself just to realise u r still alive

u cann't breathe cann't feel the cold outsid

no one around or neone else u cud see

just wondering the shadow running ahead is it really me?

u sweat but feel no heat

u shiver but its no cold out there

thn u try tasting thngs

u cann't do tht too

try cutting ur hand

let the blood drip down ur shoe

taste it, take it to ur nose

u can smell ur dirt in it!!

the dark remains of ur wasted soul

cuming into it!!

Optimism!!

When u r really down and out!!
nuthyng to say!
helpless to do nethyng
u r depressed
u r down
u hate everyone around!!
stuff lose there importance
somenone speaks into ur ears
be optimist!!
Isn't optimism is more of an illusion
u create it just to console urself?
as gud as saying it to ur heart!!
ki bhaiyaa all izz well!!
'n its gud!!
u r light hearted again!!

phbbbttt!!!

illusion of a distant smoke of the ship on the horizon!!
never so true......,
but too gud to be denied!!.
donn't rely upon it
cann't ever believe..........,
this is how it seems......
coz no smoke without a fire cud be!!

nuthyng special as such!!

Till the time these stars will follow me,
I promise sweetheart it will be you with whom i always wanna be.
I have seen the devils laughing it out aloud,
But i am sure about the silver lining in the darkest clouds,
Till the blood bath on the statues take us apart,
I’ll always be there holding ur better half
Have u ever seen me crying out so loud?
I am sure u did this more thn i wud have thought
Please try and undersatand how it mean to me
You r the only one i can ever with be
Smile and see the gorgeous thngs around
Leave the evil surrounding us alone
You have no clue wht all u mean to me
Every single soul i can survive without it seems
Ur smell surrounding ma head
Only thng i can think about rite here
You dnt knw the magic ur hairs spell on me
Coz u cann’t see that whn u r not around me.
Better u tear ma heart ‘n please come home
You donn’t knw who misses u here the most
You can neva realise wht all to me
Till the tym i scatter ma blood floating on the sea.

'ts u hun!!

Why did i let u go,
why did i let u go
Dnt remember the lsat tym
I saw a smile on ma face
sumone gave me a hug
or visited me at my place
Unbearable numbness creeping into ma veins
Alwayz feel the bone dry sense even in a heavy rain
Can u explain me,Plz lemme knw
Wht did i do wrng?? tht made u leave me 'n go?
but here cums the angels
on behalf of the god
I knew i cant take it to maself
'n cann't stop thnking of
U ma gurl its just u who makes me feel grt
makes me feel i can fly
makes me feel i cnt die
'ts u gurl just u who makes me feel i m rite
even whn the wrld is against me
'n the wind isn't blowing on ma side
U knw 'ts u grl jst u who makes me so complete
tht i dnt thnk 'bt ma limbs
or nethng else that surrounds me

It feels as gud as u are rite here with me
Holding ma handstaking me across the sea
I dnt wanna open ma eyes coz\Even if 'ts a dream,
It's all i wanna see
It's all i wanna see
Whole ma life long, gurl!
It's all i wanna see!

waiting for u!

As i knw as u knw even,
'bt ol the gifts ever given
i wud rather give 'em all for u
thn just counting over thm
and not being content coz u r not here
peeping onto the beautiful sky again
listening totunes of whistling woods play
I wud wait whole of the lyftyms
For just u to say
I mean the same for u
as u do to me
as evry single pebble lying in there
gives hieght to the sea!!!!!

moonlit streets!

Walking past the moonlit street
staring over the sky too deep
sum of the grt gigs of sky'
Strums off as i passes by
Beautiful collarge of stars they make
How huge r the petite lites they seem
I ook over my tiny self
as i learn to see wht i really have
Luking all around for the shadow i make
Dnt ready to accept tht i m all fake
deep burrowing darkness within
Is much denser thn the shadow they make!

our spirits neva die!!

Hoping eyes
Head in hands
crying for justice
begging for peace
Brotherhood at stake
moaning humanity
screaming faith
neither creid those children
None of the women did cry
As were the sweat
Even those eyes were dry

There was a chorus in that silence
Whispering

Our spirits neva die
Our spirits neva die

sum shit!

Green doesn't seem to be green nemore
wish-coins washed out on the shore
Why do we wish
why do we care
If sumthyng goes wrong
It seems we cnt go nowhere
How do we realise
Wht is wrng wht is rite
Since if we just thnk it over
'ts perseption of our mind
If we stop wishing
Everything cums as surprise
No regrets, no complaints
No one gets again to strive.

random

A million thousand suns darkening ma soul
Deafening silence of midnight cuming out as roar
All the suffering is sculpturing in a brand new song
Who all agree with ne come 'n sing along
I keep on thinking over it all night and day
But i cud neva thnk of a song tht wud say
I neva asked for a role like this
but u knw i m playing it everyday
Irrespective of age of people dying around
Even the death choses most beautiful of 'ts prey!!!!

Almost Suicidal

I jumped outta window
m going dwn, speeding up
But it seems to be neva ending
I tried to kill maself
bt the road is nt arriving
Cheating Death?,
no m just a human there not a thing that i cud do,
Dreaming?,
I neva slept in ages
no one came into ma dreams eva

Flying?,
Plz dnt gimme that bullshit
I've had enuff of fairy tales
...............plz gimme sum poison,
First cum dwn to earth they said
Bt still m falling
I can see da windows passing ma side
I dnt wnt to keep falling
I can see da windows passing by ma side
i dnt wanna keep falling
Why cann't i choose the angel of death
coz even he neva noticed
me or ma mere existence
I've craving to be knwn
to be frds, to be luved
I had enuff of this
Plz pull me
where love and hate collide
'n the clouds bruise ur sides
Plz take me there wid u
plz take me there

the Sinking ship

without getting a choice
Without ne emotions
I walk past ma soul
Why it has to be true
In love we always fall
Cnt ever get over it
Judas smiling over us
As he always do
I’ve boarded a sinking ship
And it seems to be eternity
But i m content
Coz i ain’t have nethng to lose
Cann’t you see
World crashing around me
But still you are laughing
Yeah you are free to be
And i have no regrets
Coz i cn be dead, whenever i want to be!!!!
Coz i cn be dead, whenever i want to be!!!!
Coz i cn be dead, whenever i want to be!!!!

prayers

Overhead , our intellect

there sits sumone , we cnt see

he luks upon us

at our pains 'n shredded tyranny

'n smiles upon us

as we cann't get rid of thm as we r we

we cry and pray and burn candles

on his might

But we miss to notice tht

even e's not playing his notes olrite

We r so weak 'n terrifieddn

tht we dnt even try to get thngs rite

All we need is a church or temple

to pray

why dnnt we believe on our own intellect

and loses the faith tht we cud rise

We've the power we've the might to see

Every morning we wake up and

the rising sun cannt be seen

as we r already shadowed

with the deep darkness within

Even the thousand million suns he sends

Cnt lighten up our darkened soul

Coz we r not ready to accept wht we can do

Why dnt we open our eyes

and see thebeautiful light outside

Thn crying over wht we cannot change

Why we fail to celebrate

ol beautiful lil thngd on ou way, evryday

Is it that we r addicted 'n luv to cry????

normalcy!!

Last week i was out with sum frds of mine!!
A mutual frd asked wht muzik do i like, I said none as i was losing intrest in there so i lied with no mood to continue the conversation. She gave a wierd expression saying i ain't normal.

I was thinking a lot over this normal thing now how would u define normal??May be sumthyng that is in majority, being dark is not normal in russia but it is in India. So is about people we call mad they ain't normal coz they r nt in majotrity but in an asylum it normal to be mad coz everyone else there is mad. So i can conclude there is nuthyng gud or special about being normal, and being abnormal is again, completely human.
And same way it goes with right or wrong, somethng that is right to majority of people is all right but sum who thinks against it are not considered right. Now can neone explain why??
Some people who thinks against the majority r not wrong, they r right in there own way that doesn't mean they ain't right?
'ts like spreading threat is right for the terrorist as they r doing the right thing according to wht they believe in but rest of the world it isn't.
There is a thick shade of grey between right and wrong or normal and abnormal which is thicker than the black 'n white themselves!!!

What ya guys say??

I hate maself!!

Why r u trying to help me

I just wanna hate my own self

I ain't sick 'n need no cure

may a bit far from normal

u wanna hurt me

u r invited

u wanna fuck me

i'll be impressed

u wanna kil me

here's the sword

u wanna love me

isn't it absurd

I ain't ameek puppet

I m not gonna dance on ur tune

I m happy to hate my own self

'n the glass is half empty

The door is half closed

This is the way i see thm

I don't need ne of ur help

I wanna die as much as i wanna live

i wanna die as much as i wanna live